For the unemployed, underemployed, underpayed, .....

The unemployment numbers that came out last week created a buzz that even a bee would tire of. The entire focus was on the 9.5% of American workers that have no work. No one talks about the 14% that are underemployed, or the average workweek that has dropped to 33 hours from 36 just a year earlier. I guess the optimist would say that you would be getting overtime in Europe.

There’s a few pieces of advice I could give to those who are unemployed and underemployed. First of all, don’t suck at work. As a typical blue-collar worker, I know which of my fellow employees would be first to go. These future statistics have one thing in common, they don’t work. They just stand around, talk, drink, eat, and surf the internet.

Second, don’t be too lazy to find another job. You know that trailer park about 4 blocks from where you live? Every one of those illegal immigrants have a job. You know that because if they didn’t, they would migrate to Canada. What is it that they are doing? Oh yeah, they work. What got you collecting unemployment? That’s right, you were being paid to talk, text, and watch the Office while you should have been selling paper.

What is it that is preventing you from working on a farm? No internet? I understand that those strawberries get pretty heavy, but breaking a sweat won’t damage your skin to the extent that Mary Kay couldn’t fix it.

My third piece of advice is to get creative. How many of you have been unemployed for more than six months? A year? What do you do during your 24 hours of daily down time, sitting around, texting, drinking and eating, watching The Price is Right? There’s something better to do than watching your soaps. Creativity is what got Bill Gates rich. Creativity is what got Warren Buffet rich.

And speaking of Warren Buffet, the guy seems to have an endless supply of money making ideas. He auctioned on Ebay the opportunity to eat lunch with him. $1.8 million later, some Canadian with a job has a lunch date with the world’s richest man.

Perhaps you could auction off time with yourself. Lunch, dinner, bed, there has to be something. Your life can’t be that pitiful, can it? I guess that’s why you are unemployed.

Kyle MacDonald’s creativity basically got him a free house. He started out with a single red paper clip and through a series of trades, eventually landed himself in a house in Canada. The house looks crappy, but it’s better than the single wide that you are currently sporting.

One of the most creative ideas came from the man who created the NASDAQ. Bernie Madoff created $65 billion dollars out of nowhere. His ponzi scheme that stole billions of dollars from investors landed him in jail for 150 years. He’s serving one year for every $430 million he stole. How many of you would be willing to serve for one year for that much money. Then do it.

There’s another person I know that just gets free stuff ad resells it. He recently sold a couch that was given to him for $50. That couch was replaced by another couch that was given to him.

That principle reminds me of the stock market. Buy something cheap, sell it for more expensive, make a few dollars.

My final piece of advice is to quit blaming everyone else. Potential employers don’t want to hear about how you were screwed by the guy that occupied the cubicle next to yours. They aren’t going to want to hear about how you were just a victim of the poor economy. They don’t want to hear that you sat on your recliner for the past 15 months while collecting unemployment.

For those who have jobs, keep in mind that the only thing that is keeping you from becoming another statistic is that there may be someone else that sucks at working more than you, and if there isn’t, keep in mind that you are simply hurting the economy by not contributing to the GDP.

Wasted GDP

I'm in Arizona right now so any in depth blog would be a mere waste of vacation time. So I just wanted to share some of my thoughts during the trip down.

As stated last week, the topic for the week covers bad drivers. Instead of focusing on the poor driving skills of 1J in Idaho, the inability for people to understand and use the roundabout, the failure to use turn signals, and the bad habit of driving ten miles below the speed limit, I wanted to turn our attention to the consequences that take place as a result of these inept vehicle operators.

Just answer this question, on average, how much time do you lose per day as a result of bad drivers, whether being in a car wreck, waiting on a car wreck, stuck behind a senior citizen who somehow escaped from the nursing home. My estimation is about five minutes a day. It may be less in rural areas, and it may be a lot more in urban areas, but for this topic I'm just going to estimate 5 minutes as the approximate amount of time lost per person each day as a result of bad drivers.

The United States has about 300 million people in it. Let's just assume that maybe a third of them contribute to GDP. That leaves us with 100 million people. According to my calculations, that is about 500 million minutes per day that is lost as a result of poor drivers. That's 8.33 million hours a day that is wasted. and let's assume that the average pay per hour is $15, that's $125 million per day.

Here's something that is more astounding. With 8.33 million hours a day, you could supply more than 100 million full-time jobs.

So with unemployment that is as high as it is, it may be something to think about. People blame the economy for losing their jobs, but what if everyone who drove did not get their licenses from a box of Cracker Jacks?

It seems to me that this would be a solution to our most valuable resource...time. What would you do with all this extra time?

IBM employs 400,000 people. 100 million jobs would mean that the United States could sustain another 250 companies similar to IBM. Ruminate on that one.

So the next time you think about jumping into a car, keep in mind that the more people you slow down, the more damage you are doing do to our economy.

Disclaimer: My inabilities as a driver stem from being raised in South Carolina. Just because I'm from there does not mean that I was born for NASCAR.

Next weeks topic: TBA