Worldwide Football

Because the Olympics and the NFL training camps schedules coincided, much of the chatter in the sports world revolved around the two.  The question of American football as an Olympic sport has been brought up in the past, and it will continue to be a topic for debate in the future.

Besides the Sarconomist's absolute disdain for any team sport making its way into the Olympics, there are other reasons for pessimism that such an event would ever occur.

The first step for such an unlikely scenario to occur would be for football to become a worldwide sport.  Everyone that I have ever talked to about the topic are quick to point out the sheer expense of the sport.  From pads and salaries to training facilities and infrastructure, it is easy to see how such an undertaking would be overly aggressive and fiscally irresponsible.  

My biggest concern would be that of education.  Most sports in the Olympics require no manual to understand.  Anyone can watch soccer for the first time and within five minutes, they will have a basic understanding of how the game is played.  Same is true for basketball, baseball, water polo, handball, lacrosse, and checkers.

I spent several weeks trying to teach a Chinese man the basics of football.  I failed.  The complexities of the game and its rules were to much for him to comprehend.  Add in the fact that the individual nuances of the game are complicated enough to make Bobby Fischer's head spin, and my student completely lost interest by the time I got to defense.  

Football in its primitive form played more like rugby than what we are familiar with.  The evolution of the game has created a set of rules that are far more complex than any other sport.  We had the advantage of being raised in it and we understand it as if it were a second language.   Football has essentially become a chess game on green grass.  Individual pieces with a completely different skill sets create the ultimate team sport.  Teaching foreign athletes this concept would be monumental task.  Educating the prospective fans would be borderline impossible.  

If the world is somehow able to overcome that hurdle and the popularity of the sport pushed it into the Olympics, it would be a short lived stint.  Softball was yanked as an Olympic event because the U.S. team kept winning, seemingly toying with the rest of the world.  No competition meant no excitement or purpose for having the event altogether.  If Michael Phelps found the fountain of youth, I'm sure his events would be excluded at some point as well.  

And then there is the time issue.  Trying to cram a football tournament into two weeks would be next to impossible.

Essentially, the introduction and reintroduction of football to the rest of the world would be like the path that 3D TV has taken.  Introduced, reintroduced, and rereintroduced, and it has failed every time.  History can only repeat itself so many times.

Olympic Endorsements

Now that the Olympics have come to a close, athletes will undoubtedly sign endorsements deals that will reflect their accomplishments in the Olympics.  Much like Forrest Gump's endorsement of the ping pong paddle he had never used, a long list of improbable matches will likely surface in the next few weeks. 

Usain Bolt will be the face of 5G.  

Lolo Jones, who cried like a baby on the 'Today' show, may be the new spokeswoman for Gerber.  

Nick Delpopolo, who tested positive for pot, will probably be on the next box of Weedies.

Michael Phelps will endorse Florida as a great place for retirement.  Phelps will then be endorsed by Brett Farve when he contemplates competing in Rio de Janeiro.

But the endorsement that all 10,500 athletes in London are sure to be vying for is Durex.  Durex is the official and exclusive condom supplier of Olympic Village, the dorms that the athletes have exclusive access to.  The 150,000 condoms supplied are expected to be about right for the two weeks that the Olympic Village is inhabited.  

Assuming that all the athletes are staying for the entire two weeks of the Olympics, that age means nothing, that Lolo Jones got married the day of the opening ceremonies, that there is no fear of being stoned, that there are no lesbians, and that there are a lot of brave soldiers, each athlete will be using two condoms a day.  And that calculation doesn't include the contraband contraception that found its way into the dorms.  Turns out that the sneaky condoms weren't Trojan, but Kangaroo condoms for the "gland down under".  

So the real question is, who will be the face of Durex?  Ryan Lochte may be the most logical choice.  It would only make sense that his swimmers could swim as well.  And it appears that his mother is leading his campaign efforts as she has bragged about his one night stands.  Plus he wears rubber on his head.  

Simon Grotelühen, the gold medalist sailor from Germany, wouldn't be a bad choice either.  He has proven to be a natural seaman.  

Renaud Lavillenie is the gold medalist in pole vaulting.  He has shown stellar control of his pole throughout the competition. 

Hope Solo may not have a appropriate name for Olympic bed hopping, but she has become the face of the cesspool as she has stated that she looks forward to life of free love in the hippie commune.

So while all the athletes are competing and picking up endorsements, the only thing that the games will validate is that all the athletes are whores.  Here is your next class of role models.

Absurd Birds Flock to Chick-Fil-A

One of the big stories from the past couple weeks is that of the comments by Chick-Fil-A CEO, Dan Cathy.  In an appearance on "The Ken Coleman Show",  the CEO stated,

"I think we are inviting God's judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at Him and say, 'We know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage'...I pray God's mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude to think that we have the audacity to define what marriage is about....We are very much supportive of the family -- the biblical definition of the family unit. We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives..."

These series of statements set off a barrage of attacks against Dan Cathy, Chick-Fil-A, and anyone who agreed with Cathy's beliefs.  The impending result was a boycott on Chick-Fil-A, and a counter measure to show support for the CEO.  Chick-Fil-A supporters flocked to the restaurant in a record sales day for the company.  Intolerance was fought with intolerance, and countered with intolerance.  

This whole process is awesome as it allows people to exercise their freedom of opinion.  My issue with all of this is the lack of consistency displayed by those that showed their support for Chick-Fil-A.  Inconsistency you may ask?  

How many of these supporters arrived at Chick-Fil-A listening to Lady Gaga, Clay Aiken or Adam Lambert?  How many of these supporters left listening to Queen, Green Day, or Village People?  How many of these supporters went home and watched Modern Family?  

And then how many of Dan Cathy's supporters actually listened to what he said?  How many of those supporters have moved past their first marriages, or even third marriages?  

Isn't it ironic that the christian moral activists community has a strong presence on Facebook, whose CEO Mark Zuckerburg is atheist?  

Perhaps the most perplexing issue to me is that of Dan Cathy.  As a self proclaimed "Christian", it would seem to me that he would at least try to live his life the way Jesus taught in the New Testament.  If we are thinking about the same Jesus, I recall him hanging out with the sinners, teaching and encouraging them, not judging them and calling them out on their imperfections.  If its the same Jesus I grew up learning about, I seem to recall him saying something about letting the sinless cast the first stone.  

So if judging others and looking down on them for not possessing the same beliefs is your idea of "Christianity", I wish you well on your present-day crusade.