Poor class, middle class, rich class, and the fourth class

How many of you have had the opportunity to observe someone who is part of the ever-growing dolt class? People of this class is sprinkled throughout each of the social classes, but eventually become permanent fixtures of the poor class because of their own self-stupidity. In all likelihood, you know someone who is reaping the benefits of their own foolishness, or you know someone who is in that process.

The dolt class is the guy who rides his bike to the convenient store everyday to buy a lottery ticket because he can’t afford to buy a car.

The dolt class is the guy who goes from riches to rags, then back to riches, then back to rags. Donald Trump.

The dolt class is the person who pulls out all their money from investments to retire early and buys a bunch of overpriced wasteland in Southern Utah, then tries to resell it for the same price in the middle of a recession.

The dolt class may or may not count their pennies, but where the pennies go after that is unknown.

The dolt class somehow got a job, but that paycheck was spent four months ago.

The dolt class isn’t necessarily a victim of their monetary maladroit, but rather their logical ineptitude.

One poor judgment doesn’t enshrine one into this prestigious class, but a series of ill-advised decisions simply immortalize this class’s distinctiveness.

These are the rich that fail to get richer, and the poor that get poorer.

These are the eight out of 10 NFL players who go broke within two years of retirement.

These are the people who buy season tickets to see the Mariners, yet complain about the overpaid baseball players.

These are the people who prevent this country from being the wealthiest and most productive country in the world.

These are the people who, upon reading this, tell themselves that they aren’t a part of this social stratum, then play World of Warcraft for the next 10 hours.

In essence, if financial progression is not numbered with your personal objectives, you are probably a part of this ever self-oppressed society called the dolt class.

Obama = survival of the unfit

In a world in which “survival of the fittest” has been the underlying principle and reason for success, failure, and living, Obama’s plans and policies have made an attempt to defy the age-old principle that has built this world. He’s attempting to revamp the phrase to “survival of the fit, unfit, and those that can’t fit”. Will they work? Absolutely not. Here’s why.

Many people compare Obama to Robin Hood because he is trying to make things better for the poor at the expense of the rich. Obama’s health care plan not only benefits the poor at the expense of the rich, but it also helps the alien, legal as well as illegal. Last time I watched Robin Hood, he didn’t help any Mexicans.

The Mexicans come up here because the potential for quality of life is better, given the better health care system, better farms, and better trailers. Now offer them money to buy a trailer, and free health care, we will soon become overrun with Mexico’s unwanted.

The only option for the proud citizens of the United States would be to head north, where not everyone benefits from less than stellar health care, and taxes would only be about 45%. Too good to be true. This is truly where only the fit survive.

If you are going to attempt to create a socialist environment without screwing everything up, you must first become illegal, like Robin Hood. Perhaps Obama fits that mold since I’m sure his income exceeds the qualifications to live in government housing. You know he’s cheating the system somehow.

If you want the support of your citizens, you’ll have to sacrifice the support of the Mexicans. Just build a giant wall like they have in China. As Colbert once said, you don’t see any Mexicans in China. Send the illegals back home. This will open up jobs on farms and for landscapers that 9.5% of the population would appreciate.

As of right now, the only thing preventing socialism from taking full affect is the rich class. These wealthy, educated people don’t want their money taken away, nor the means by which it was accomplished. The only way around it is to not tax them. This means the middle class is going to be taxed to support the poor. Will this idea prove to be kosher with the middle class? Why not? Most of them hove no idea where their money is going. They just work and pay bills.

The only way socialism would work right now is by letting the rich play their survival of the fittest game, while allowing the poor and middle class to merely survive.

dog's life>human life?

With the recent suspension of Donte’ Stallworth, I began to think about all the suspensions that have taken place over the past couple years in the NFL. Since Roger Goodell has taken over as the commissioner of the NFL, he has handed out suspensions like a pharmacist hands out drugs, and with good reason. I don’t believe that manslaughter should go unpunished. However, I do feel that some of these suspensions are out of whack.

Michael Vick has been a hot topic lately as he is returning to the NFL after a two-year suspension. As if that wasn’t long enough, he is suspended for another six games to begin this season. All he did was kill dogs. Donte’ Stallworth plead guilty to vehicular manslaughter, and is only suspended for one season. If the penalty were proportionate to the crime, Roger Goodell’s punishment is saying, “tis better for man to die than man’s best friend”.

His suspension of Marshawn Lynch raised an eyebrow of mine. As a Buffalo Bills fan, I expected nothing less than a four game suspension just to stay in line with all the other suspensions that Roger has handed out for minor infractions. His three game suspension for carrying an unlicensed handgun made me wonder how much of it has to do with his partiality towards the Buffalo Bills. Roger Goodell is from western New York and the Bills need every advantage they can get in order to have a chance at the playoffs. Could this be a show of mercy on the part of the commissioner?

Plaxico Burress has made headlines of his own during this off-season. In a New York City night club, he supposedly dropped his gun, and while in mid-air, somehow went off and shot his leg. From what I’ve read, it sounds as if it was a Glock 23. Glocks are illegal to carry in New York whether you have a concealed weapons license or not. If you know nothing about Glocks, all you need to know is that the only safety that the handgun has is a trigger safety, which means the gun will not fire unless your finger is actually pulling the trigger. This leads me to believe that there is more to the story than a fumbled handgun.

Following the accident, his teammate, Antonio Pierce, took him to the hospital where he provided false information as to their names and how it happened. Under most circumstances, this would be considered a felony. Despite all this, Plaxico and Antonio have not been disciplined by the NFL. The message being sent, “if you are going to carry an illegal firearm, use it”.

Perhaps Roger Goodell is just a Giants fan.

While I admire that Roger Goodell has taken a more proactive approach to ensure that the NFL maintains a clean image than Paul Tagliabue, I’m afraid that his efforts just aren’t enough. You can take the gangster out of the slum, but you can’t take the slum out of the gangster. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, so you kill it. Just ask Michael Vick. If someone has a history, give them one chance.

In a sport in which the players are idolized by the future of this world, the last people that should receive such glory are criminals that never learn.

Stupid People Should Never Breed

In Arkansas, Lavonne Drummond posted one of the more unusual auctions on ebay, the right to name her unborn child. Due in September, she is hoping to raise $25,000. It sounds like an awesome plan to raise money until you hear the rest of the story. This story has a lot of people upset simply because she is exploiting her unborn child, but I see a myriad of other inconsistencies with her story that should piss even more people off.

Lavonne is the mother of six at the age of 36. Her oldest is 19, which means she got pregnant in high school. Chances of her actually finishing high school? Slim. Her husband is a Navy sailor stationed in Virginia and he apparently doesn’t even know about this entrepreneurial opportunity yet.

She posted this auction because she says in an economy like this, and with that many children, day care is too expensive. If I had a 19, 16, and 14 year old, I would have plenty of day care options. As the oldest of four, I was the first option for my parents as soon as I turned 12.

Her gayvy Navy sailor’s income isn’t enough apparently. It was enough for the two of them and their six children, but now that he’s gone, with one less mouth to feed, it’s not enough. Makes perfect sense to me.

On top of that, with his low income, I’m sure they qualify for Medicaid, and his military benefits mean that they will pay close to nothing for the birthing process. That $25,000 will be tax free, and technically doesn’t count as income, so it wouldn’t affect her status with food stamps and all her other welfare fountains.

With the $25,000 that she raises, her plan is to buy a new “trustworthy” car. Are you kidding me? Child exploitation for a new car? Any car that you buy brand new doesn’t qualify as trustworthy in my book.

With that $25,000, her first purchase should be birth control. For stupid people, seven children are seven too many. Stupid people shouldn’t breed.

She says that she enrolled at South Arkansas Community College where she hopes to get a degree in radiology. If she can’t afford child care for a 19, 16, 14, 3, 2, and 1 year old while working, how does she expect to be able to pay for their day care while in school? With the $25,000? That went to a car. How’s she paying for college, with her kid’s lunch money?

If a couple gets married, how difficult is it to manage their income? How difficult is it to decide how many children they could support? Seems like the formula would go something like this:

M(unemployed mother) + D(meager income dad) – bc(birth control) = 12(dirt-ball kids)

When you decide to get married and raise a family, seems to me that you should have a plan to cover the ensuing expenses. I’ve never tried to fly to Hawaii without money. I’ve never been to a grocery store without having some means of buying groceries. When you are eating cereal with a fork in order to save milk, something’s wrong.

The root of this problem is that they live in Arkansas. That’s right, the butt crack of America. The home of the toothbrush, not teethbrush. The place where inbred families are relocated. The state that is so poor, the poor man’s department store, Walmart, even found a home for their headquarters. The place so dirty, the mascot for their state university is a pig.

This place is a modern day, voluntary penal colony. Yet despite this, the U.S. Census Bureau projects Arkansas as one of the fastest growing populations by 2030.

I predict that the stupid people problem is only going to get worse if the Census Bureau is correct. A state full of Lavonne Drummonds would never be compensated.

Bankruptcy, stupid's best friend

If any of you have seen the Misery Index, an index that tracks the people affected by foreclosure or bankruptcy throughout the recession, you’ll notice that Nevada is the worst state to live in. One out of every 20 people living in the state suffered from such an event.

Bankruptcy is a process that will never make sense to me. Buy all the crap you want and then tell the bank you don’t understand why you just don’t seem to have enough money to support the extravagant lifestyle. It’s like a prostitute who doesn’t understand why she has crabs.

Someone I work with said it’s easy to become a millionaire. The way he did it? He took out loans, bought a bunch of cars, a massive house, and lots of other toys he had no business purchasing with his measly income. His mathematical formula for millionairism? Value of brand new truck, plus value of brand new Mercedes, plus value of brand new bullet bike, plus value of brand new ski boat, plus value of brand new house in the bay area, plus positive cash in bank accounts. Therefore it is easy to become a millionaire based on the assets that you accumulate.

The hard part was when he moved to Idaho. He didn’t sell the house for as much as he was hoping for and he lost about $15,000 on each of his five cars and trucks. The result, he picked up smoking to alleviate the stress. Good thing he picked up a cheap hobby. He could have picked up sky-diving but he went with the more cost efficient hobby.

On the other hand, some people don’t necessarily file fore bankruptcy because they lived the extravagant lifestyle. It’s because they just suck at managing their money. Another douche bag I work with told me his mother-in-law had to file for bankruptcy because her hours had been slightly reduced. Understandable I suppose until you realize that she lives in a house with two other families, and she only pays a third of the rent. She shares two cars with the other families in the house.

One of the families in this house is this particular douche bag. Money management skills must be hereditary because he is headed down the same road as his mother-in-law. He gets paid management pay, has a second job, sells his plasma, and still never seems to have enough money.

He only pays a third of the rent since his family lives with his mother-in-law, he only has one child, and he doesn’t own any cars, never has. In fact, the only set of wheels that he has ever owned was a Liahona bicycle that was given to him. He doesn’t have life insurance, no health insurance, no 401k, and no savings. In fact, for a while he would pawn off his guitar for $15 and then buy it back later in the week for $25 after he picked up his paycheck so that he would have enough money to put food on the table.

It must suck to be stupid.

The odd thing is that many of the people that file for bankruptcy show up at the bank with their iphone and drive to their hearing in a BMW. The poor money management skills aren’t a result of the economy; it’s greed, laziness, and ultimately self-stupidity.

Remember Bernie Madoff? He appeared to be worth a lot more than he really was. He lived a lavish lifestyle, and when it finally caught up to him, he received 150 years of free government housing. He lived a lie.

Those who ultimately file for bankruptcy are exactly the same. They live a lavish lifestyle that their inadequate income couldn’t support. They live as if they are worth a lot more than they really are. They live a lie just as Bernie Madoff did. Seems to me that the punishment should coincide.

Man on the Moon...in Nevada?

There are a plethora of conspiracy theories floating around regarding Neil Armstrong’s lunar landing and subsequent moon walk in order to disprove the United States’ claim to dominance during the Cold War. Some of the theories of these conspiracy creating hippies make some sense while other theories were derived from Dumb and Dumber. But regardless of the theory, the concept is about as wet as dry ice.

First of all, they say that if you speed up the moon walk video, it looks like an average person running. I happen to work with a guy that works in slow motion, and he looks more like a fart in a whirlwind than a moon walker.

They say that the dune formations from the moon video match with the dune formations somewhere in Nevada. If any of you have ever been around sand dunes, you’ll know that they move around more than a toddler.

They say that the United States made it up so that it could one up the socialists, who had dominated the capitalists up to that point. Good point, but our hockey team still beat theirs. Our amateurs are better than their pros.

They say that the video of the flag in space is flawed because the flag has the appearance that it is waving in a wind free environment. Gravity provides a downward force on the flag. The absence of gravity means the flag floats. Floating flag looks like wavy flag.

Aside from all the components of this conspiracy theory, the main reason I have a hard time believing that we never walked on the moon is the same reason Benjamin Franklin would give. Ben once said that three people can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

How many people would have to be in on a secret like this and keep silent about it? First there are the actors. Then there are the stunt doubles, extras, cinematographer, his assistants, and the list goes on.

They ask why we haven’t been back to the moon. I’ve only been to Niagara Falls once, and I never went back. Same thing, right?

Actually, Apollo 13 was headed there, and Tom Hanks showed us what happened with that trip. NASA has been granted billions of dollars to send another craft in that direction, but it looks as though they may not need as much money because, of all things, competition. Commercial passenger flights to the moon could be happening as soon as 2012, which means NASA has competition, the same thing it had during the Cold War.

It’s funny to think that the source of motivation for the socialists during the Cold War was competition. Can’t we all just share the thrill of victory?


Next weeks' topic: Bankruptcy

I Control My Guns

One of my favorite lines from a movie comes when a potential juror is asked how he felt about gun control. His response, “The same way I feel about birth control, it don’t work.”

Gun control has been a hot topic for several years. Extremists on both sides are willing to push their ideology, hoping that the other extremists would listen, yet they never seem to listen to themselves.

As a gun owner, I think the whole issue is pure indulgence of passion, unnecessary if they understood what they were arguing about.

From the perspective of the gun zealot, they’re argument is that the gun is used as a means of protecting themselves. They think that carrying a concealed weapon is enough to deter the pocket pickers. These are the people that have lifetime National Rifle Association memberships along with NRA as well as “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people” bumper stickers on their 1973 Chevy pickup. These are the people who have gun safes larger than their single wides.

These are the people that complain that there is too much red tape involved with purchasing a firearm. These are the people that buy guns for their first grader, just in case.

I don’t know about you, but it seems to me that every time I get held at gunpoint, I never seem to have a gun that would intimidate the aggressor. Oh wait, I’ve never been held up at gunpoint. Same would be true for about 99% of the population. The point is, why carry a concealed weapon when the chances are that you will never use it?

And if were held at gunpoint, what did you do to piss someone off? Did you flaunt your money? Flash the wrong gang sign?

Second, if I were to carry a concealed weapon, and I were held up at gunpoint, I think the conversation would go a little like this:

“Don’t move or I’ll shoot.”
“Wait a second, that’s not fair, you snuck up on me.”
“Hand me your wallet!”
“Could you give me a second while I unbutton my shirt so that I can get to my gun?”

In browsing different forums, I noticed several people asking for advice on which model of .22 handgun is the best to carry. If I have to defend myself and all I have is a little Ruger, I’m giving up. I’d be better off with a rubber band gun.

And then there is the ever controversial AR-15, a beautiful gun that could put a smile on any man’s face when he’s holding it, even Al Gore. Have you ever looked into the price of owning and practicing such a piece of art? Ammo for the thing is almost $2 a round. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think $2 is worth wasting on killing someone.

My conclusion is that the people who carry heat, and are avid advocates of such activities are the people that like to get into fights. They are the ones that antagonize other groups. If they weren’t, what are they afraid of? The boogeyman?

On the other hand, anti-gun activists sound just as ridiculous. Farmers can’t dig without a shovel, women can’t buy without money, and criminals can’t shoot without a gun.

Eliminate any legal procedure of acquiring a firearm will prevent any criminal from participating in illegal activities. Great thinking there. Posting speed limit signs have always dissuaded me from speeding just a couple miles over the speed limit.

I suppose Caesar had wished he had prohibited knives too. Then Brutus would have no way of assassinating the Roman ruler. He couldn’t use a candlestick, lead pipe, or rope in the ball room.

The solution is simple in my eyes. Enforcement of the death penalty will prevent anyone from illegal activity. It’s too easy today. Shoot someone, plea insanity. Ten years later, your a free man.

I say death penalty for murder. Death penalty for rape. Death penalty for drug trafficking. Death penalty for stealing, embezzling, looting, tax evasion, or any form of felony. If you want to prevent criminal activity, establish stiff punishments, and execute.

For the unemployed, underemployed, underpayed, .....

The unemployment numbers that came out last week created a buzz that even a bee would tire of. The entire focus was on the 9.5% of American workers that have no work. No one talks about the 14% that are underemployed, or the average workweek that has dropped to 33 hours from 36 just a year earlier. I guess the optimist would say that you would be getting overtime in Europe.

There’s a few pieces of advice I could give to those who are unemployed and underemployed. First of all, don’t suck at work. As a typical blue-collar worker, I know which of my fellow employees would be first to go. These future statistics have one thing in common, they don’t work. They just stand around, talk, drink, eat, and surf the internet.

Second, don’t be too lazy to find another job. You know that trailer park about 4 blocks from where you live? Every one of those illegal immigrants have a job. You know that because if they didn’t, they would migrate to Canada. What is it that they are doing? Oh yeah, they work. What got you collecting unemployment? That’s right, you were being paid to talk, text, and watch the Office while you should have been selling paper.

What is it that is preventing you from working on a farm? No internet? I understand that those strawberries get pretty heavy, but breaking a sweat won’t damage your skin to the extent that Mary Kay couldn’t fix it.

My third piece of advice is to get creative. How many of you have been unemployed for more than six months? A year? What do you do during your 24 hours of daily down time, sitting around, texting, drinking and eating, watching The Price is Right? There’s something better to do than watching your soaps. Creativity is what got Bill Gates rich. Creativity is what got Warren Buffet rich.

And speaking of Warren Buffet, the guy seems to have an endless supply of money making ideas. He auctioned on Ebay the opportunity to eat lunch with him. $1.8 million later, some Canadian with a job has a lunch date with the world’s richest man.

Perhaps you could auction off time with yourself. Lunch, dinner, bed, there has to be something. Your life can’t be that pitiful, can it? I guess that’s why you are unemployed.

Kyle MacDonald’s creativity basically got him a free house. He started out with a single red paper clip and through a series of trades, eventually landed himself in a house in Canada. The house looks crappy, but it’s better than the single wide that you are currently sporting.

One of the most creative ideas came from the man who created the NASDAQ. Bernie Madoff created $65 billion dollars out of nowhere. His ponzi scheme that stole billions of dollars from investors landed him in jail for 150 years. He’s serving one year for every $430 million he stole. How many of you would be willing to serve for one year for that much money. Then do it.

There’s another person I know that just gets free stuff ad resells it. He recently sold a couch that was given to him for $50. That couch was replaced by another couch that was given to him.

That principle reminds me of the stock market. Buy something cheap, sell it for more expensive, make a few dollars.

My final piece of advice is to quit blaming everyone else. Potential employers don’t want to hear about how you were screwed by the guy that occupied the cubicle next to yours. They aren’t going to want to hear about how you were just a victim of the poor economy. They don’t want to hear that you sat on your recliner for the past 15 months while collecting unemployment.

For those who have jobs, keep in mind that the only thing that is keeping you from becoming another statistic is that there may be someone else that sucks at working more than you, and if there isn’t, keep in mind that you are simply hurting the economy by not contributing to the GDP.

Independence Music

This great weekend has been filled with the aroma of barbeques and fireworks. The sound waves have been filled with the overplaying of pathetic renditions of patriotic music, which led me to do a little research on this music.

First of all, our national anthem has really caught my attention. Our original national anthem was “My Country, ‘tis of Thee”. The lyrics represented the new nation, but the national anthem of the independent country was dependent on the melody of the national anthem of the oppressor.

During the War of 1812, Francis Scott Key, a POW, witnessed an attack on Baltimore that inspired his poem “Defense of Fort McHenry”, which would later become the lyrics for “The Star-Spangled Banner”. “The Star-Spangled Banner” would later become the official national anthem of the United States in 1916, almost 150 years after its so-called independence from England.

The irony of all this is mind numbing. The lyrics had nothing to do with the war for independence, so it makes sense why this song would be associated with Independence Day. The lyrics came from a war that the United States ultimately conceded. That brings out the pride in American patriotism. The tune for this song came from, of all countries, Britain, but the best part of it was that it was a British drinking song.

What better way is there to represent the United States? Singing the lyrics of a lost war to a pub song. That’s called drinking your sorrows away.

The Independence Day tune that raised the first red flag for me came while I was watching a commercial on Discovery Channel. The advertisement for the Greatest Catch featured a crab from several camera angles to the tune of “The Battle Hymn of the Republic”.

My initial thought was that the song was a Civil War song, more specifically, the anthem of the abolitionists. Separated by almost a century, the Revolutionary War and the Civil War represented two completely different purposes. The Revolutionary War was to separate the United States, the Civil War was to keep it together. I suppose you could argue that they were both civil wars. The suppressed just happened to win the first one.

If they were both civil wars, then it would make sense to play civil war music on Civil War of 1776 with Favorable Results Day. When is the last time you heard “Dixie” played on Civil War Day though? I guess that effectively eliminates the Civil War Day theory.

If I were to pick a song that would make the most sense for July 4th, it would be “America the Beautiful”. It has nothing to do with 1776. It has nothing to do with war. It doesn’t even have anything to do with independence. It was however, first published as a poem on July 4th, 1895. Entitled Pikes Peak, the poem was set to music in 1910.

The lyrics support the title perfectly. The song talks about The beauty that is found in the United States. That was more than 100 years ago though. George Carlin described America like this:

Oh beautiful, for smoggy skies, insecticided grain
For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain.
America, America, man sheds his waste on thee
And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea!

Next year, on July 4th, listen to the music. Don’t be surprised when you hear “O, Canada”.

Michael Jackson, financial genius?

Well, now that everyone has had a week to ruminate over Michael Jackson’s death, I felt that he would be a fairly appropriate topic.  Instead of writing about my memories from the Super Bowl XXVII halftime show, “Billie Jean”, and the first week of this past season of American Idol, his financial situation is the topic that intrigues me.

At the time of his death, Michael Jackson was approximately $400 million in debt.  That’s not a typo.  His financial people said that he was spending $20-$30 million more annually than he was making.  That’s called a stimulus package.  Since he died at the age of 50, Michael Jackson spent about $8 million more than he made each year of his life.  

The United States is about $12 trillion in debt, and it seems that we just continue to increase spending every year.  I guess the theory is that the more you spend, the better you become at it.  Practice makes perfect, right?  

One of his first major purchases took place in 1988 when he bought the property to build his ranch.  His obsession with Peter Pan eventually inspired him to transform that property into Neverland Ranch, where he often housed children and slept in bed with them because it wasn’t inappropriate behavior.  Records show he spent about $17 million for the property, and then who knows how much to build everything, from ferris wheels to bumper cars.  

One of Michael Jackson’s more brilliant financial moves was when he purchased the rights for the Beatles music.  

He blew a ton of money on surgeries and procedures to change his appearance.  Those closest to Michael say that he despised his father, so in an attempt to avoid the appearance of his father, he changed his appearance.  And how many procedures did he undergo?  Michael Jackson hasn’t spoken on the subject in the past couple weeks, but I’m sure the amount of money he poured into the processes were unprecedented.  

While those closest to him place his father as the reason for the changes, I have an alternate theory.  

Coincidence, or obsession?

Then there is the money he spent on prescription drugs to feed his habit.  Not only was he spending tons of money on prescription drugs, he hired a doctor in order to have those prescriptions prescribed.

With $400 million of debt, the plan to pay it off is by selling the rights to the Beatles music, selling off his real estate, and selling off his business ventures.

Perhaps that is the example that the United States government is following.  With all the debt the it has accumulated, the U.S. may opt to sell off its assets.  When Napoleon was the leader of France, he sold America the Louisiana territory to finance his debt.  We could sell it back to France for a couple trillion.

Then we could sell Florida back to Spain for, well with the beaches and Disney World, a couple trillion.  We could sell California to Mexico since the mexicans pretty much own it already.  A couple trillion would be a fair deal.

Since Michael Jackson had converted to Islam, we could sell him, his records, and his family to Iran.  Oh wait, he’s dead.  Dig him up!

Then we could sell our nukes to North Korea.  

So with so many people concerned about the national debt, is this idea a great idea?  Or is it the greatest idea?  

This is the “American Dream”.

One of the more not dumb financial moves that Michael Jackson had made was the life insurance policy he left for his children that may not even be his.  His three children were left about 100 unreleased tracks that were to be released sometime after his death.  Sounds like a source for the financial fountain the Jackson’s are looking for.  

Disclaimer:  If Michael Jackson comes back in seven years like Tupac, let it be known that the Sarconomist boldly made this prediction, July 3, 2009.

Next weeks’ topic:  Bernie Madoff?

It Must Suck to be Good

Ben Bernanke has been under fire because of this recession, only because he is the head honcho of the most powerful organization in the world during the time of the economic crisis.  But what I don’t understand is why people are so quick to point fingers at him when they were the ones taking their money out of the stock market, they were the ones trying to sell their houses, they are the ones that signed the paperwork to buy their houses

All Ben Bernanke did was literally everything he could do.  Under principles of modern Keynesian economics, I’m at a loss of what else he could have done.  He suggested the stimulus package, he lowered interest rates, he purchased U.S. Treasuries and bonds.  The only thing he didn’t do was Billie Jean, but that’s only because she wasn’t his lover, Mark Sanford perhaps?

And speaking of Mark Sanford, who saw that one coming?  He’s only the best governor in the United States with plans to do something presidential in 2012.  He hiked the Appalachian Trail all the way down to Argentina?  At least he’s been truthful. Perhaps not faithful, but truthful.  He’s half of Bill Clinton.

I remember when Mark Sanford first ran for a seat in the House of Representatives years ago.  The commercials that ran on the tube included his wife and children.  He always talked about himself as a family man.  With Mrs. Argentina, I guess he’s more like families man.  

My understanding is that this Mrs. Argentina’s name is actually Maria Belen Chapur and she’s some 43 year old married, but separated hag.  Have you wondered about how he actually met this woman?  According to foxnews.com, she lives next to the zoo.  Pictures haven’t popped up on the internets yet, but I would assume that this one may be pretty close.                                    

So the big topic in the news is how this is going to affect the political scene now and in the future.  People have requested that he step down and resign as governor of South Carolina.  I personally feel that his admission is simply going to help his cause in 2012.  You know his competitors are going to dig up his affair on order keep him from winning.  A loss would be devastating considering he is one of the best politicians of our generation.  But then again, how can you trust someone that has flirted with some international entity?  That's what Benedict Arnold did, and we know how that one ended.

Back to Bernanke.  Can you imagine the mess we would be in if he weren't the money manager?  Not only is the media complaining him now, but he received a lot of flack at the inception of his appointment.  Even the dean of the Columbia Business School, Glenn Hubbard felt he was more qualified.  

So what exactly makes Mr. Bernanke the most qualified for this position? He only wrote the book on economic policy during the Great Depression.

When President Bush appointed him to the position following Alan Greenspan's retirement, do you think he saw the economic downturn coming? Of course he did. Otherwise he would have hooked me up with the job.

My only request is that before you start complaining about his performance, offer suggestions and tips on what he could have done better. I think he would be pleasantly surprised if you could come up with a better solution than he did. After all, he's only the expert on the economic activities of the only economic downturn that would top this one.

Disclaimer: the only unfaithful activity that I am guilty of since I have been married was when I shopped at Kmart despite being part owner of Wal-Mart. I'm such a rebel.

Next weeks' topic: Michael Jackson, a model of the U.S. economy.

Wasted GDP

I'm in Arizona right now so any in depth blog would be a mere waste of vacation time. So I just wanted to share some of my thoughts during the trip down.

As stated last week, the topic for the week covers bad drivers. Instead of focusing on the poor driving skills of 1J in Idaho, the inability for people to understand and use the roundabout, the failure to use turn signals, and the bad habit of driving ten miles below the speed limit, I wanted to turn our attention to the consequences that take place as a result of these inept vehicle operators.

Just answer this question, on average, how much time do you lose per day as a result of bad drivers, whether being in a car wreck, waiting on a car wreck, stuck behind a senior citizen who somehow escaped from the nursing home. My estimation is about five minutes a day. It may be less in rural areas, and it may be a lot more in urban areas, but for this topic I'm just going to estimate 5 minutes as the approximate amount of time lost per person each day as a result of bad drivers.

The United States has about 300 million people in it. Let's just assume that maybe a third of them contribute to GDP. That leaves us with 100 million people. According to my calculations, that is about 500 million minutes per day that is lost as a result of poor drivers. That's 8.33 million hours a day that is wasted. and let's assume that the average pay per hour is $15, that's $125 million per day.

Here's something that is more astounding. With 8.33 million hours a day, you could supply more than 100 million full-time jobs.

So with unemployment that is as high as it is, it may be something to think about. People blame the economy for losing their jobs, but what if everyone who drove did not get their licenses from a box of Cracker Jacks?

It seems to me that this would be a solution to our most valuable resource...time. What would you do with all this extra time?

IBM employs 400,000 people. 100 million jobs would mean that the United States could sustain another 250 companies similar to IBM. Ruminate on that one.

So the next time you think about jumping into a car, keep in mind that the more people you slow down, the more damage you are doing do to our economy.

Disclaimer: My inabilities as a driver stem from being raised in South Carolina. Just because I'm from there does not mean that I was born for NASCAR.

Next weeks topic: TBA

Organic Insurance

One of my many observations from working at a grocery store is that of the increasing number of “organic” items, from organic rice to organic beans; from organic barbeque sauce, to organic chocolate chips.  My understanding is that organic means that the product was not tampered with as it was growing and processing.  In other words, no pesticides, herbicides, or any other -cides.  I’m not sure how that works out.  I remember neglecting my farms on Sim Farm as a kid and all my crops crapping out on me.  Little did I know that I would start a fad.

So when I use organic, I’m referring to the intentional neglect of something in order to allow it to become more favorable or desirable. 

The topic of this particular blog is that of insurance, more specifically that of the life variety.  As in that annoying little bill that you pay every month that that you never seem to see a return on.  That’s because you don’t.

Let’s just pretend for a moment that there is a way that you can enjoy the benefits of life insurance without the contracts, written checks, and headaches.  Let’s imagine a world without door-to-door insurance salesmen.  Let’s conjure up a society in which “Bob” doesn’t have to worry about making the decision to either starve a slim bank account or to protect his family financially just in case he were struck by lightning ate age 34.

This conceptualized idea is something what we call free market capitalism.  If we create a market for our organs instead of donating them, our little imaginary world becomes reality.  No more insurance payments, no more junk mail from Metlife, no more worries.

I’m going to compare this market to that of buying or selling a used car.  If you were looking to sell your 2003 Chevy Malibu, you would make sure the engine ran well, the body looked good and the car was clean.  Can you imagine how much healthier people would be if they knew the value of their organs?  No more drugs, no more cigarettes, no more inorganic rice.  People would run a 5k everyday.  I know I wouldn’t consume as much potato chips as I currently do.  

A 2002 Ford Taurus would generally sell for quite a bit more than a 1994 Taurus because it would have fewer miles on it.  The younger the person is when they die, the more valuable their organs would become.  

The market is out there.  Just ask John Q.  Waiting lists are a mile long for people who are in need of a new kidney.  How many diabetics are out there that would want a new pancreas?  How many victims of heart failure would pay top dollar to get a new one?  How many people do you know take weekly trips to the hospital for dialysis treatments?

So I say leave the charities up to the Salvation Army.  Let’s create a new market.  Perhaps this may destroy another market, but I don’t think the makers of the cassette tape took it to hard when compact discs took over.  Better technology, better ideas, and better ways of doing things make this world a better place.

This idea is what I call “organic insurance”.

Disclaimer:  Don’t call me a hypocrite just because my driver’s license indicates that I am an organ donor.

Next weeks topic:  Bad drivers.

GM KO'ed

Well, now that General Motors is officially a thing of the past, I want to dedicate some time to the company.  This obituary is merely a collection of my thoughts days after the death of our beloved GM.

I remember years ago watching the ads for GM as they proclaimed themselves to be the “heartbeat of America”.  Years later, Chevy was “like a rock”, using music from rock legend Bob Seger.  Then there was the “American Revolution”, and now we know of GM as being “professional grade”, that is before their failing grade revealed that the “rock” referred to years ago was actually talc.  So much for professional.  

How did such a massive company go bankrupt so fast?  It couldn’t be anything that they did.  They advertised during the Super Bowl.  They created cars that...drove.  It has to be our fault.  We insisted on buying our BMW’s from Germany, our Camrys, our Sonatas, and Accords, while we turned our backs on the well built, fuel economical Hummers.  If only we could turn back the hands of time.

The “heartbeat of America” is no longer beating.  So if America’s heartbeat has stopped, how long does it take before America is pronounced dead? 

Ownership of this now lifeless body has been divided amongst several parties.  The majority owner right now is the U.S.  As in us, the taxpayers.  We paid a ridiculous amount of money to take a 60% ownership of a failed company.  Obama said that we had to do it because GM was too big to fail.  Weren’t antitrust laws supposed to prevent companies from getting too big to fail?  So much for those laws.  Obama went on to say, and I’m paraphrasing here, that government intervention was more like life support while we are waiting for America’s heartbeat to resurrect.  Once this GM gets back on its feet, the government will sell its 60% stake.  That would be a revolution from America.

Throughout this nationalization process, I found it odd that Canada was given a 12% stake in the company.  I thought this to be odd, because now a foreign country owns part of America’s heartbeat.  I’m probably making up a word here, but I think this is more like internationalization.  

And what happens when the U.S. government lets go of GM?  Does this obsidian become Canada’s heartbeat?  I guess this would be the economic version of a heart transplant.  

So now we would have to assume that Ford becomes America’s new heartbeat, unless the government never relinquishes its stake, in which case GM would be the heartbeat of North America.  But let’s assume that like all other politicians, Obama keeps his word and GM becomes an independent company again.  

I happen to drive a Ford Taurus, only because I took advantage of its poor resale value.  I must admit, I’m not opposed to having a heart that is Ford tough.

Back to the subject of GM.  There are two ways to make a company more profitable.  More sales, lower costs.  Reports are circulating that GM is set to sell its Hummer brand to, of all countries, China.  Great, there goes another portion of our heartbeat.  I guess this is GM’s way of killing two birds with one stone.  It will sell its costliest brand.  Brilliant.  Perhaps there is a lesson that our struggling economy can learn from this.  We should sell our most cost inefficient portion of the government to China.  I guess this would imply that everyone age 63 and older would now be shipped to China.  No more medicare, social security, and Florida.

General Motors began in September of 1908.  That’s almost 101 years ago.  Anyone that is that old shouldn’t be alive.  I guess this is our way of paying social security to such old entity.  Thirty-five years of back-pay.

My solution would be to let nature take its course.  Out with the old, in with the new.  Let a new car company grow and become an adult.  Perhaps this would allow Carbon Motors to expand beyond specialized vehicles and become a household name.  I’d consider one.  And how to deal with unemployment?  Just tell the members of the UAW to sell their Audis and buy a cheaper used car, perhaps a Cavalier.  That will at least buy them some time.  

Disclaimer:  As an optimist, I will admit that I am half Korean, not half American.  Therefore, I am exempt from any accusations of disloyalty to American cars.  

Next weeks topic:  Organic insurance.

Shelter Shakeup

Since the housing market has taken quite a hit over the past couple years, and the Fed and the government has taken drastic measures to try to revive the market, the big question is what lies ahead for buyers and sellers for the next two, three, ten years. Only time will provide an accurate story, but there is no shortage of guesses from prognosticators. While buyers are enjoying low interest rates and sellers are smiling at the first time homebuyers trying to take advantage of the $8,000 credit, buyers and sellers will be frowning at what the future may hold, perhaps within the next year.

So lets look first at the present situation. Low interest rates make refinancing more attractive for current homeowners looking to refinance. Ironically, that was one of the forces that pushed the needle into the housing bubble. First time homebuyers taking advantage of the $8,000 tax credit have until December to sign the papers saying they will take over an asset that will lose its value for a couple more years. Sounds like a great idea to me.

Sellers are not selling their houses for as much as they would like because they bought their houses 5 years ago thinking that they could double their equity three years later. These are probably the same people who invested their life’s savings into Bear Stearns stock. Sellers are happy about the attractive deals that are out there for homebuyers though because that means two more people are willing to at least drive by to see the exterior.

The future seems to look a lot more bleak for both of these groups.

With the lowest interest rates ever, and all the money that has been pumped into the system, rates will go up, a lot more than the average Joe is going to realize. Economists are thinking perhaps 7.5% to as much as 15% within the next year or two. This would be necessary in order to curb inflation. We do not want to become the next Zimbabwe. But with all the money that was pumped into the system, would 15% really be enough? But lets just say interest rates rose to 15%. Would you take out a loan to buy a house? I think I speak for most when I say I wouldn’t unless the sellers dropped their asking prices. So that is exactly what will happen.

Housing prices will drop so that buyers will drive by to see the fresh paint on the exterior. Sellers will lose a ton of money selling the house, and buyers are going to grab their ankles as they volunteer to pay high interest rates on their mortgages.

The positive side for sellers is that if they sell their houses soon, they could just invest their money in a really strong company, perhaps General Motors.

So what does this mean for homebuyers in the future? If you have the money to throw down on a house in a couple years when housing prices may hit bottom, it may not be a bad idea. If you don’t have enough money for a house, good luck. You could just invest your money in another really successful company, Ford.

If you bought a house recently because houses are cheap in order to make a quick dollar in a couple years, you may make your quick dollar, but you’ll probably lose several thousand in the process. That means you won’t have that extra money so that you could invest in the booming company CROX.

My plan is to wait a few years to buy a house. I’m sure I can get one for a low price since the mortgage rates will be high, and I’m sure by then, there will be even more tax credits, government programs to help me get into a house for dirt cheap.

Disclaimer: If you happen to get rich as a result of my brilliant stock tips, it is your responsibility to share to profits with me. My investments in Washington Mutual, Sirius Radio, and Las Vegas Sands two years ago hasn’t panned out for me. You can’t go wrong because it can’t get any lower, right?

Next weeks blog: Abrupt bankruptcy?

Steroids: Baseball's Savior

Football, basketball, baseball, hockey.  These are the four largest major leagues in the United States.  Four sports, four stories, two directions.  Up until the 1990’s, each league was growing and enjoying insane profits.  

That is until the nineties when each of these sports met their own fork in the road.  Much like the cartoons we watched when we were kids, one road led to prosperity, the other to misery and misfortune.

The National Football League created a salary cap opening up new doors for the free agency period.  Parity is at an all-time high.  Teams like Atlanta can recover from a Michael Vick in the matter of a couple seasons.  Today, the NFL is a thriving model for success.  You can thank Paul Tagliabue for that.  The NFL had chosen wisely.

The National Basketball Association benefited by many of the stars being placed on the international stage.  With big names like Michael Jordan showing up in the olympics, the world received a taste of what star power can do on the basketball.  The sport immediately grew in popularity, and today, we get to enjoy many international stars play in our league.  Today, the NBA could be more accurately labeled as the International Basketball Association.  As much as I really dislike David Stern, I have to hand it to him for the actions he has taken to grow the sport.  Good road.

Then there is the National Hockey League, which has struggled against the other sports for revenue, but held its own because of stars like Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux, and Dominic Hasek.  With subsequent retirement and the strike several years ago, the NHL has struggled against to be as profitable as the other major leagues.  Today, the NHL is banking on Sidney Crosby and Alexander Ovechkin to bring the league back into prominence.  Until then, the NHL may have to take the backseat to soccer, whatever the name of the league is here in the USA.  Malfunctioning GPS.

Baseball is the most intriguing of the major sports, and this is where this blog really begins to take form.  Attendance in the Major Leagues were growing at a linear pace from the late 1800’s up until the early 1990’s.  (look at the graph)

The year 1994 was the year that the fork in the road showed up for the MLB.  The strike shortened season caused me to lose my interest in the game.  America’s pastime quickly became something of America’s past.  The season endured the lowest attendance in a decade.  The MLB was quickly on its way to extinction, that is until it injected itself with some performance enhancers.  I’ll be honest, I quit watching the games until the Mark McGuire vs. Sammy Sosa saga was at its hiatus.  I relished the opportunity when I could tell my kids that I saw these guys on a piece of ancient technology called “television”.  

A few years later, Barry Bonds knocked at the doors of the record books with the single season home run record.  I watched daily waiting for him to break the record.  Then I waited for him to break the career home run record.  I’m pretty sure I speak for most of the average baseball fans when I say this - the intrigue brought the sport out of the pitfalls of despair and back into relevance.  Baseball purists would disagree with me but STEROIDS SAVED THE MAJOR LEAGUES.

Referring back to the graph, you will notice that the red area represents attendance during the “steroid era”.  Seems to me that the injected steroids not only made Barry Bond’s biceps burst out of the seams, but owners bank accounts were receiving injections of its own via ticket sales.  

Bud Selig was once at the top of my list of people I really really don’t like, but after much contemplation, I think the guy was given a bunch of lemons and has made lemonade for about 80 million people this year.  Did he know about the juice that Jose Canseco was drinking?  Did he know about the “bole” that A-Rod has admitted to?  Did he know about  Roger Clemens “rocket” fuel?  I’m convinced that he did.  Did the owners know about it?  I’m sure they did.  

So if they knew about it, why wouldn’t they do anything about it?  They were saving their pastime, and making a lot of money in the process.  

So instead of thinking of steroids as the performance enhancers that are responsible for irritating baseball purists, just think of all the other enhancers that they are so willing to overlook.  When a player has reconstructive knee surgery and adds another five years to his career, isn’t that a performance enhancer?  Or what about all the ankle braces, knee braces, tape jobs, pine tar, and band aids designed to give them the competitive advantage?  The black smear on the cheeks.  

Or on that same note, music purists don’t complain about certain singers and bands performing high or drunk, or a combination of the two.  Can you imagine Jerry Lee Lewis performing sober?  I doubt he would be half the performer.  

Can you imagine Dan Patrick as a journalist without the use of a thesaurus?  

Instead of condoning those that have done their best to give themselves a competitive advantage, we should embrace their bold attempts to help 80 million fans live the American Dream, that is to sit at a ballpark with your friend Oscar Meyer.  

Disclaimer:  The only performance enhancers consumed during the composition of this blog was the thesaurus widget, a hot dog, a Mountain Dew, and great music by Adam Lambert.  Don’t judge me.

Next weeks topic:  The Housing Markets' Dilemma

Feel free to suggest future topics.

State of the Economy Address

When I watch CNBC in the mornings, one if the most consistent topics for discussion is that of the state of the economy.  While we are currently suffering what is statistically the worst recession since the Great Depression decades ago, our stock market has rallied to the point that many analysts are declaring that this crisis is over.  While only time could tell, I find it hard to believe that a problem that took us many years to get into would take months to recover.  

What I don’t understand is the steps that were taken in order to dig us out of this recession.  Some of you may remember the stimulus payments that were handed out to taxpayers back in May-July of 2008.  Our country spent several billion dollars that basically did nothing.  So what did we decide to do?  Lets spend even more money.  Another stimulus package was passed and we almost instantaneously added another $1,000,000,000,000 to our national debt.  But I guess it was fine since that $1 trillion represented only about 15% of what the national debt was at the time.  

While the ultraoptimists are excited about the direction they think the economy is headed, the biggest question that comes to my mind is funding for this massive stimulus package.  There are really only two ways to finance this insane amount of money - taxes and the federal reserve.  

The Federal Reserve could simply pump tons of money into the system, but that would only cause high inflation at best.  

So the only other option would be to impose more taxes.  I’m fine with it since America has the simplest taxing system in the world, and corporate taxes are at all-time lows.  

I work at a one of the most prestigious grocery stores in the country.  Since I don’t really do any work, I have the opportunity to talk politics with the other employees that don’t do any work either.  That’s what makes Broulim’s such a prestigious place.  Obama supporter #1, we’ll call him “Seth”, is all about progressive income taxes, meaning the more money you make, the higher percentage of your money goes to Uncle Sam.  Further conversating revealed his ignorance to U.S. History.  He didn’t realize that income taxes were discovered in 1913.  Ironically, that was about the same time America got into debt.  

Socialist #1 and Socialist #2, we’ll call them “Rick” and “Christian”, were another interesting conversation piece.  They are firm believers that instead of taxing everyone, only the rich should be taxed.  That is fairly similar to the initial purpose of income taxes in 1913 as it was intended to tax only the ultra rich.  The difference?  Under their plan, income for the wealthy would be capped at about $2.5 million.  That’s a great idea since I’m sure that will motivate people to become industrious and innovative.  

California has some of the highest taxes in the country.  According to another one of my co-workers, California Boy #1 "Craig", instead of handing out tax returns, California resorted to handing out IOU’s.  His wife is from Modesto, California by the way.

So let’s tax the $#@% out of people so that our government can get out of debt.  

This graph only goes up to 2004, before our massive spending spree over the last year, but I think it is fairly obvious that the strides we have made to tax ourselves in order to get out of debt has paid off.  Our debt since 1970 has really only grown linearly as opposed to exponentially.  That’s good news.  

My good friend Stephen Colbert brought up the idealogy of our brilliant leaders in getting out of the Great Depression.  Just spend.  That didn’t work so they kept spending.  It didn’t work until they joined a little fight called World War II, when we got out of the depression through more spending. (look at the graph)

So if we follow that same historical theory, we’ll just keep spending until we piss off the rest of the world and then we’ll get in a little scuffle with our neighbors, spend more money and we are on our way to another economic boom.  Brilliance at it’s finest.  

So until we go to war, we just have to impose more taxes.  That’s fine because that means our accountants won’t lose their jobs and become just another unemployment statistic. 

Throughout this mess, I have maintained with my co-workers that the way to get out of this crisis is to decrease taxes.  Less taxes means more money for the consumer to spend.  Consumer spending is a lot more effective than government spending.  

Corporations have resorted to outsourcing in order to cut costs.  Over the last couple of weeks I have learned from Obama that these costs are cut through loopholes.  

If we cut corporate taxes, corporations will come back to our shores.  This will provide more jobs, create more consumer spending and so forth.  

So Obama’s solution to convincing corporations to come back is absolutely jeneus, let’s tax them even more.  Let’s show them that their loopholes can be straightened out.  If we can show corporations that they are going to be taxed just as much overseas as they would be here, maybe they’ll spend the extra money to come back to America from India.  That will cause India’s unemployment to skyrocket, and perhaps that will be the catalyst that causes World War III.  A war would mean more spending, and booyah, we are out of this recession.  I don’t know about you but I’m convinced that this could really work.  

Disclaimer:  despite my disagreements with these policies, I understand that these policies are a result of Obama’s economic advisors instead of his own brilliance.  I’m not an expert in the field of economics, simply a bacheloreate in economics.  Therefore, these are opinions based upon my ignorance of the subject.

Next weeks post: How steroids saved baseball

Feel free to suggest future topics.

introduction

Hello to all who decides to read this.  During the life of this blog, I will be writing about random thoughts during the week every Sunday.  These random thoughts will range from sports to the stock market, pop culture to unpop culture.  So just sit back, read, and enjoy the arbitrary thoughts of one of sarcasms' greatest.