For the unemployed, underemployed, underpayed, .....

The unemployment numbers that came out last week created a buzz that even a bee would tire of. The entire focus was on the 9.5% of American workers that have no work. No one talks about the 14% that are underemployed, or the average workweek that has dropped to 33 hours from 36 just a year earlier. I guess the optimist would say that you would be getting overtime in Europe.

There’s a few pieces of advice I could give to those who are unemployed and underemployed. First of all, don’t suck at work. As a typical blue-collar worker, I know which of my fellow employees would be first to go. These future statistics have one thing in common, they don’t work. They just stand around, talk, drink, eat, and surf the internet.

Second, don’t be too lazy to find another job. You know that trailer park about 4 blocks from where you live? Every one of those illegal immigrants have a job. You know that because if they didn’t, they would migrate to Canada. What is it that they are doing? Oh yeah, they work. What got you collecting unemployment? That’s right, you were being paid to talk, text, and watch the Office while you should have been selling paper.

What is it that is preventing you from working on a farm? No internet? I understand that those strawberries get pretty heavy, but breaking a sweat won’t damage your skin to the extent that Mary Kay couldn’t fix it.

My third piece of advice is to get creative. How many of you have been unemployed for more than six months? A year? What do you do during your 24 hours of daily down time, sitting around, texting, drinking and eating, watching The Price is Right? There’s something better to do than watching your soaps. Creativity is what got Bill Gates rich. Creativity is what got Warren Buffet rich.

And speaking of Warren Buffet, the guy seems to have an endless supply of money making ideas. He auctioned on Ebay the opportunity to eat lunch with him. $1.8 million later, some Canadian with a job has a lunch date with the world’s richest man.

Perhaps you could auction off time with yourself. Lunch, dinner, bed, there has to be something. Your life can’t be that pitiful, can it? I guess that’s why you are unemployed.

Kyle MacDonald’s creativity basically got him a free house. He started out with a single red paper clip and through a series of trades, eventually landed himself in a house in Canada. The house looks crappy, but it’s better than the single wide that you are currently sporting.

One of the most creative ideas came from the man who created the NASDAQ. Bernie Madoff created $65 billion dollars out of nowhere. His ponzi scheme that stole billions of dollars from investors landed him in jail for 150 years. He’s serving one year for every $430 million he stole. How many of you would be willing to serve for one year for that much money. Then do it.

There’s another person I know that just gets free stuff ad resells it. He recently sold a couch that was given to him for $50. That couch was replaced by another couch that was given to him.

That principle reminds me of the stock market. Buy something cheap, sell it for more expensive, make a few dollars.

My final piece of advice is to quit blaming everyone else. Potential employers don’t want to hear about how you were screwed by the guy that occupied the cubicle next to yours. They aren’t going to want to hear about how you were just a victim of the poor economy. They don’t want to hear that you sat on your recliner for the past 15 months while collecting unemployment.

For those who have jobs, keep in mind that the only thing that is keeping you from becoming another statistic is that there may be someone else that sucks at working more than you, and if there isn’t, keep in mind that you are simply hurting the economy by not contributing to the GDP.