GM KO'ed

Well, now that General Motors is officially a thing of the past, I want to dedicate some time to the company.  This obituary is merely a collection of my thoughts days after the death of our beloved GM.

I remember years ago watching the ads for GM as they proclaimed themselves to be the “heartbeat of America”.  Years later, Chevy was “like a rock”, using music from rock legend Bob Seger.  Then there was the “American Revolution”, and now we know of GM as being “professional grade”, that is before their failing grade revealed that the “rock” referred to years ago was actually talc.  So much for professional.  

How did such a massive company go bankrupt so fast?  It couldn’t be anything that they did.  They advertised during the Super Bowl.  They created cars that...drove.  It has to be our fault.  We insisted on buying our BMW’s from Germany, our Camrys, our Sonatas, and Accords, while we turned our backs on the well built, fuel economical Hummers.  If only we could turn back the hands of time.

The “heartbeat of America” is no longer beating.  So if America’s heartbeat has stopped, how long does it take before America is pronounced dead? 

Ownership of this now lifeless body has been divided amongst several parties.  The majority owner right now is the U.S.  As in us, the taxpayers.  We paid a ridiculous amount of money to take a 60% ownership of a failed company.  Obama said that we had to do it because GM was too big to fail.  Weren’t antitrust laws supposed to prevent companies from getting too big to fail?  So much for those laws.  Obama went on to say, and I’m paraphrasing here, that government intervention was more like life support while we are waiting for America’s heartbeat to resurrect.  Once this GM gets back on its feet, the government will sell its 60% stake.  That would be a revolution from America.

Throughout this nationalization process, I found it odd that Canada was given a 12% stake in the company.  I thought this to be odd, because now a foreign country owns part of America’s heartbeat.  I’m probably making up a word here, but I think this is more like internationalization.  

And what happens when the U.S. government lets go of GM?  Does this obsidian become Canada’s heartbeat?  I guess this would be the economic version of a heart transplant.  

So now we would have to assume that Ford becomes America’s new heartbeat, unless the government never relinquishes its stake, in which case GM would be the heartbeat of North America.  But let’s assume that like all other politicians, Obama keeps his word and GM becomes an independent company again.  

I happen to drive a Ford Taurus, only because I took advantage of its poor resale value.  I must admit, I’m not opposed to having a heart that is Ford tough.

Back to the subject of GM.  There are two ways to make a company more profitable.  More sales, lower costs.  Reports are circulating that GM is set to sell its Hummer brand to, of all countries, China.  Great, there goes another portion of our heartbeat.  I guess this is GM’s way of killing two birds with one stone.  It will sell its costliest brand.  Brilliant.  Perhaps there is a lesson that our struggling economy can learn from this.  We should sell our most cost inefficient portion of the government to China.  I guess this would imply that everyone age 63 and older would now be shipped to China.  No more medicare, social security, and Florida.

General Motors began in September of 1908.  That’s almost 101 years ago.  Anyone that is that old shouldn’t be alive.  I guess this is our way of paying social security to such old entity.  Thirty-five years of back-pay.

My solution would be to let nature take its course.  Out with the old, in with the new.  Let a new car company grow and become an adult.  Perhaps this would allow Carbon Motors to expand beyond specialized vehicles and become a household name.  I’d consider one.  And how to deal with unemployment?  Just tell the members of the UAW to sell their Audis and buy a cheaper used car, perhaps a Cavalier.  That will at least buy them some time.  

Disclaimer:  As an optimist, I will admit that I am half Korean, not half American.  Therefore, I am exempt from any accusations of disloyalty to American cars.  

Next weeks topic:  Organic insurance.