Census Conspiracy?

Disclaimer: The following blog contains material that may or may not be found by some to be liberal, off-colored, or otherwise offensive. If you think you may be offended by some of the messages that are contained herein, click here.

Since the beginning of the year, the census has been a hot topic with several people that I have come in contact with. In each case, they were concerned with the unconstitutional nature that they feel the census has been drawn. They all said that the government has no business knowing how many cars were parked outside their homes, how much money they were making, what race they were, and that the government has no right to GPS track them. All the government needed to know was how many heads lived under the roof at their respective houses.

In conversing with each of these acquaintances, I kept quiet, listening to their statements in order to understand where they were coming from in order to formulate my own opinion. After much time ruminating on the matter, the Sarconomist’s opinion is now concocted.

The irony in each of these conversations is that their expressed concerns were relayed to me almost verbatim, which tells me that they probably all read the same web site. Having that in mind, that sounds like an advertisement goldmine.

In each of these cases, none of them read the actual census. In each of these cases, their spouses filled out the census. And in each of these cases, they were miffed at their spouses for filling out the census.

First of all, GPS tracking them? Are you kidding me? Do they really think they are that special that the government has to track them? If they are, I would like to know what exactly they did to receive that special treatment.

If they really don’t think they are that special, they must just simply be paranoid, in which case I’ll just say that if you really want another copy of “Catcher in the Rye”, I’ll find one for you.

After filling out the census, unless it was written in fine print in Mexican, I never came across a question inquiring about my cars or income, and there certainly was no way of GPS tracking me through the mail.

The words of a certain wise man come to mind. Kennedy William Gordy once said that he always felt like somebody was watching him.

Buffalo Springfield also said that paranoia strikes deep, Into your life it will creep. It starts when you’re always afraid….

Those who completely disagree with the census obviously have no statistical background. I say this with absolutely no reservation. The census provides statistics based on a population size rather than a mere sample, which means more accurate statistics. Now, instead of estimating that roughly 5-75% of the American population is of wetback origin, we can safely say that 27.35% of the population is of Hispanic roots.

Since most of the census conspiracy theorists are probably hard-core right-wing conservatives, they probably failed to hypothesize the purpose of all these nosey questions, unless they really are special or paranoid. Perhaps border patrol is too late, and this provides a better solution to reverse the problem than to just stop it. As quirky as that sounds, it makes more sense than anything you will ever come up with.

In closing, may I just mention that had James Madison lived in an era in which he was able observe the ethnically diverse melting pot that the United States has become, I’m sure in the spirit of the constitution, he would have included a “race clause” in the section about the census.

I’m open to listening to conspiracy theories, as long as it has substantial evidence, and as long as I’m interested in listening, but this is one that crosses the line in my book.